37. Understanding Our True Nature
In order to attain the goal of creation, we need to feel a "hunger," without which we cannot taste the whole depth of the pleasures that are sent by the Creator, and without which we cannot bring gratification to the Almighty. Therefore, it is crucial to correct egoism. This would permit us to experience pleasure for the sake of the Creator.
In times of fear, we must understand the reason for which the Creator sends us these feelings. There is no force or power that rules in the world except the Creator; no enemies, or dark forces. However, it is the Creator Himself who forms in us a sensation like this, in order for us to wonder why we felt it so suddenly.
Then, as a result of our searching, we will be able, through an exertion of faith, to say that the Creator Himself sends this to us. If, after all our efforts, our fear does not subside, we must interpret it as an example of the degree to which we should experience the fear of the grandeur and the power of the Creator. To the same degree that our bodies are shaken by an imaginary source of fear in our world, so must we shudder at the fear of the Creator.
How can we determine precisely what spiritual state we are in? When we feel confident and happy, it is usually the result of having faith in personal strength, and thus not feeling that we are in need of the Creator. This state implies that, in fact, we are completely buried in the depths of our own egoism and are distanced from the Creator.
On the other hand, when we feel completely lost and helpless, we then experience a sharp need for the support of the Creator. At that time, we enter a much better state with regard to our own well-being.
If, after having exerted ourselves, we perform an act that appears to be "good," and consequently experience a feeling of satisfaction with ourselves, we immediately fall prey to our own egoism. We do not realize that it is the Creator who gave us a possibility to perform an act of goodness; thus, by feeling good about ourselves, we only increase our egoism.
If we, day after day, exert effort in our studies and try to return in our thoughts to the goal of creation, and we still feel we do not understand anything, nor correct ourselves to some degree, and if in our hearts we reproach the Creator for the state we are in, then we move further away from the truth.
As soon as we attempt to shift to altruism, our bodies and our reason immediately rise against such thoughts, and in every way possible try to push us away from this path. Hundreds of thoughts, excuses and urgent tasks immediately appear, since altruism, that is, anything not connected with some sort of benefit for the body, is hateful to us. It is not possible for our intellect to bear such aspirations for even a moment, and they are immediately suppressed.
Therefore, thoughts about nullifying egoism seem very difficult and not within human power. If, however, they are not perceived as such, it indicates that somewhere deep in them is concealed some benefit for the body, which allows us to think and to act in a certain manner, by deceiving us into thinking that our thoughts and deeds are altruistic.
Thus, the best test for determining whether a given thought or action comes as a result of a concern for the self or from altruism is: Do the heart and reason allow this thought to be sustained somehow, or even to make a slight movement based upon it? If we find agreement, then it is self-deception, not true altruism.
The moment we concentrate on thoughts that are not concerned with bodily needs, questions immediately arise such as, "Why do I need this?" and "Who benefits from it?" In such situations, although we feel that the barriers are coming from the body (our desire to receive pleasure), the most important thing for us to discover is that ultimately it is not the body that poses these questions and prohibits us from engaging in anything beyond the limitations of its interests.
This is the action of the Creator Himself. He forms within us these thoughts and desires, and does not allow us to break away from the desires of the body, and there is nothing else beside Him.
Just as He draws us closer to Himself, so He Himself places obstacles on the path to Him, so that we would learn to understand our own nature and be able to react to our every thought and desire during our attempts to break free from them.
Undoubtedly, such states can happen only among those who strive to attain Divine qualities, and to "break through" into the spiritual world – to such individuals the Creator sends various obstacles, which are felt as thoughts and desires of the body that push them away from spirituality.
All this is done so that we may discover our true spiritual state and relation to the Creator. To see how much we justify the acts of the Creator despite the objections of reason, how much we hate the Creator, who takes away all the pleasures from our lives, once filled with wonder and Light, and then thrown into the abyss of despair, because the body cannot find even an ounce of pleasure anymore in the altruistic conditions.
It appears to us that it is the body that is objecting, and not the Creator Himself who acts upon our feelings and reason by giving us thoughts and emotions that are received either positively or negatively. The Creator Himself forms specific responses of the heart and mind in order to teach us, and to acquaint us with ourselves.
A mother teaching her baby shows him something, lets him taste it, and immediately explains it to him. Similarly, the Creator shows and explains to us our true attitude toward spirituality, and our inability to act independently.
The most difficult aspect of spiritual ascent is the fact that within us are two opinions, two forces, two goals, two desires, all of which constantly collide. Even with respect to the goal of creation: on the one hand, we must attain unity in our qualities with the Creator, just so, on the other hand, we would beget a single desire to part with everything for the sake of the Creator.
But the Creator is absolutely altruistic and has no need of anything, wishing only that we should experience absolute pleasure. That is His goal in creation. However, these goals appear contradictory; first, we must relinquish everything to the Creator, while simultaneously being gratified and attaining ultimate pleasure.
The answer to this seeming contradiction is that one of them is not a goal but a means to achieving the goal. First, we must reach the condition where all thoughts, desires and actions are situated outside the boundaries of egoism, when they are ultimately altruistic, solely "for the sake of the Creator." But since there is nothing in the universe other than man and the Creator, everything that falls outside the boundaries of our five senses (body) is automatically of the Creator.
Once we have attained the correction of creation, that is, the congruence of our personal qualities with the qualities of the Creator, then we begin to grasp the goal of creation, to receive from the Creator the unlimited pleasure, unbounded by the limits of egoism.
First, we need to achieve the correction of the creation, that is the congruence of our personal qualities with the qualities of the Creator, and only then can we begin to achieve the goal of creation, to receive from the Creator unlimited pleasure, unbounded by the limits of egoism.
Before the correction, we possess only the desire for selfish gratification. As we progress in correcting ourselves, we start to favor the desire to give everything away over the desire to receive pleasure for ourselves.
However, at this stage we are still incapable of receiving pleasure from the Creator.
Only upon completing the process of self-correction can we begin to receive unbounded pleasure, not for the sake of our own egoism, but for the sake of the goal of creation.
The gratification that we receive not for the sake of our own egoism does not generate feelings of shame, because by receiving, by grasping, and by perceiving the Creator, we are happy for the pleasure He receives. Thus, the more we receive from the Creator and are pleased by Him, the happier we are that the Creator experiences pleasure as a result.
We can make an analogy between light and darkness in our world by referring to perceptions of the spiritual Light and darkness (day and night). This is the feeling of presence or absence of the Creator, of the presence or the absence of the Creator’s supervision; or, "the presence or the absence of the Creator" within ourselves.
In other words, if we were to ask something of the Creator and receive it immediately, this is denoted as light, or day. But if we are plagued by doubts about the existence of the Creator and about His management of the universe, this situation is called “darkness,” or “night.”
To better phrase it, the concealment of the Creator is known as “darkness, “since it arouses in a person doubts and incorrect thoughts, which are felt by him as the darkness of the night.
Our true goal should not be to perceive the Creator and grasp His actions, since this, in itself, is a purely egoistic desire. A human being will not be able to withstand the enormous pleasure resulting from the attained perceptions and will return to the egoistic state.
The real objective should be the desire to receive from the Creator the strength to proceed against the yearnings of the body and the mind, that is, to attain faith that will be greater than the human intellect and bodily desires. Having grasped and perceived the Creator and His absolute benevolent dominion, as well as His power in the entire creation, we should choose not to see the Creator in all His glory, because this would undermine our faith.
Rather, we should proceed by virtue of our faith and against the desires of the body and human intellect. All that we can desire is the strength to believe in Him and in His dominion of the universe. The possession of such a belief is known as “light,” or “day,” since we can begin to receive pleasure without fear, being free from the desires of the body, and not being enslaved by our bodies and our reason.
When we achieve this new nature, that is, when we are capable of carrying out acts independent of our bodily desires, the Creator gives us pleasures from His Light. If darkness descends on us, and we do not feel any joy in the work of attaining the spiritual nor the ability to feel a special relation with the Creator and to feel fear and love for Him, then we have but one alternative: the crying of the soul.
We must pray to the Creator so that He should have pity on us and remove the black cloud that darkens all of our feelings and thoughts, concealing the Creator from our hearts and eyes. This is because the cry of the soul is the most powerful prayer.
When nothing can help, when we are convinced that all our efforts, knowledge, experience, physical acts and endeavors are inadequate to help us enter the Upper Spiritual Realm; when with our entire being we feel that we have exhausted all possibilities and all powers, only then do we realize that only the Creator can help; only then do we come to cry out to the Creator and pray to Him for personal redemption.
But before this time, no extraneous hardships will induce us to cry out to the Creator genuinely and from the bottom of our hearts. Only when we feel that all the options before us are already closed will the "gates of tears" open, so that we may enter the Higher World, the dwelling of the Creator.
Because of this, after we have tested all possibilities to attain spiritual ascent by ourselves, a state of absolute darkness will descend upon us. There is only one escape – only the Creator can help us. But still in the breaking of the egoistic "I," when we have not yet achieved the perception that there is a Force that guides and directs us, when we have not yet been cured by this truth and have not yet apprehended the state, our bodies will not yet allow us to call out to the Creator.
And because of this we are obligated to do everything in our strength we can, and not to wait for a miracle from Above. This is not because the Creator does not wish to take pity on us and is awaiting a “breaking point.”
When we try out all our options, we gain experience, understanding and perception of our own nature. The feelings we have passed through are necessary because it is in them that we receive, and it is with them that we sense, the revelation of the light of the Creator and the Upper Intellect.
In order to attain the goal of creation, we need to feel a "hunger," without which we cannot taste the whole depth of the pleasures that are sent by the Creator, and without which we cannot bring gratification to the Almighty. Therefore, it is crucial to correct egoism. This would permit us to experience pleasure for the sake of the Creator.
In times of fear, we must understand the reason for which the Creator sends us these feelings. There is no force or power that rules in the world except the Creator; no enemies, or dark forces. However, it is the Creator Himself who forms in us a sensation like this, in order for us to wonder why we felt it so suddenly.
Then, as a result of our searching, we will be able, through an exertion of faith, to say that the Creator Himself sends this to us. If, after all our efforts, our fear does not subside, we must interpret it as an example of the degree to which we should experience the fear of the grandeur and the power of the Creator. To the same degree that our bodies are shaken by an imaginary source of fear in our world, so must we shudder at the fear of the Creator.
How can we determine precisely what spiritual state we are in? When we feel confident and happy, it is usually the result of having faith in personal strength, and thus not feeling that we are in need of the Creator. This state implies that, in fact, we are completely buried in the depths of our own egoism and are distanced from the Creator.
On the other hand, when we feel completely lost and helpless, we then experience a sharp need for the support of the Creator. At that time, we enter a much better state with regard to our own well-being.
If, after having exerted ourselves, we perform an act that appears to be "good," and consequently experience a feeling of satisfaction with ourselves, we immediately fall prey to our own egoism. We do not realize that it is the Creator who gave us a possibility to perform an act of goodness; thus, by feeling good about ourselves, we only increase our egoism.
If we, day after day, exert effort in our studies and try to return in our thoughts to the goal of creation, and we still feel we do not understand anything, nor correct ourselves to some degree, and if in our hearts we reproach the Creator for the state we are in, then we move further away from the truth.
As soon as we attempt to shift to altruism, our bodies and our reason immediately rise against such thoughts, and in every way possible try to push us away from this path. Hundreds of thoughts, excuses and urgent tasks immediately appear, since altruism, that is, anything not connected with some sort of benefit for the body, is hateful to us. It is not possible for our intellect to bear such aspirations for even a moment, and they are immediately suppressed.
Therefore, thoughts about nullifying egoism seem very difficult and not within human power. If, however, they are not perceived as such, it indicates that somewhere deep in them is concealed some benefit for the body, which allows us to think and to act in a certain manner, by deceiving us into thinking that our thoughts and deeds are altruistic.
Thus, the best test for determining whether a given thought or action comes as a result of a concern for the self or from altruism is: Do the heart and reason allow this thought to be sustained somehow, or even to make a slight movement based upon it? If we find agreement, then it is self-deception, not true altruism.
The moment we concentrate on thoughts that are not concerned with bodily needs, questions immediately arise such as, "Why do I need this?" and "Who benefits from it?" In such situations, although we feel that the barriers are coming from the body (our desire to receive pleasure), the most important thing for us to discover is that ultimately it is not the body that poses these questions and prohibits us from engaging in anything beyond the limitations of its interests.
This is the action of the Creator Himself. He forms within us these thoughts and desires, and does not allow us to break away from the desires of the body, and there is nothing else beside Him. Just as He draws us closer to Himself, so He Himself places obstacles on the path to Him, so that we would learn to understand our own nature and be able to react to our every thought and desire during our attempts to break free from them.
Undoubtedly, such states can happen only among those who strive to attain Divine qualities, and to "break through" into the spiritual world – to such individuals the Creator sends various obstacles, which are felt as thoughts and desires of the body that push them away from spirituality.
All this is done so that we may discover our true spiritual state and relation to the Creator. To see how much we justify the acts of the Creator despite the objections of reason, how much we hate the Creator, who takes away all the pleasures from our lives, once filled with wonder and Light, and then thrown into the abyss of despair, because the body cannot find even an ounce of pleasure anymore in the altruistic conditions.
It appears to us that it is the body that is objecting, and not the Creator Himself who acts upon our feelings and reason by giving us thoughts and emotions that are received either positively or negatively. The Creator Himself forms specific responses of the heart and mind in order to teach us, and to acquaint us with ourselves.
A mother teaching her baby shows him something, lets him taste it, and immediately explains it to him. Similarly, the Creator shows and explains to us our true attitude toward spirituality, and our inability to act independently.
The most difficult aspect of spiritual ascent is the fact that within us are two opinions, two forces, two goals, two desires, all of which constantly collide. Even with respect to the goal of creation: on the one hand, we must attain unity in our qualities with the Creator, just so, on the other hand, we would beget a single desire to part with everything for the sake of the Creator.
But the Creator is absolutely altruistic and has no need of anything, wishing only that we should experience absolute pleasure. That is His goal in creation. However, these goals appear contradictory; first, we must relinquish everything to the Creator, while simultaneously being gratified and attaining ultimate pleasure.
The answer to this seeming contradiction is that one of them is not a goal but a means to achieving the goal. First, we must reach the condition where all thoughts, desires and actions are situated outside the boundaries of egoism, when they are ultimately altruistic, solely "for the sake of the Creator." But since there is nothing in the universe other than man and the Creator, everything that falls outside the boundaries of our five senses (body) is automatically of the Creator.
Once we have attained the correction of creation, that is, the congruence of our personal qualities with the qualities of the Creator, then we begin to grasp the goal of creation, to receive from the Creator the unlimited pleasure, unbounded by the limits of egoism.
First, we need to achieve the correction of the creation, that is the congruence of our personal qualities with the qualities of the Creator, and only then can we begin to achieve the goal of creation, to receive from the Creator unlimited pleasure, unbounded by the limits of egoism.
Before the correction, we possess only the desire for selfish gratification. As we progress in correcting ourselves, we start to favor the desire to give everything away over the desire to receive pleasure for ourselves.
However, at this stage we are still incapable of receiving pleasure from the Creator. Only upon completing the process of self-correction can we begin to receive unbounded pleasure, not for the sake of our own egoism, but for the sake of the goal of creation.
The gratification that we receive not for the sake of our own egoism does not generate feelings of shame, because by receiving, by grasping, and by perceiving the Creator, we are happy for the pleasure He receives. Thus, the more we receive from the Creator and are pleased by Him, the happier we are that the Creator experiences pleasure as a result.
We can make an analogy between light and darkness in our world by referring to perceptions of the spiritual Light and darkness (day and night). This is the feeling of presence or absence of the Creator, of the presence or the absence of the Creator’s supervision; or, "the presence or the absence of the Creator" within ourselves.
In other words, if we were to ask something of the Creator and receive it immediately, this is denoted as light, or day. But if we are plagued by doubts about the existence of the Creator and about His management of the universe, this situation is called “darkness,” or “night.”
To better phrase it, the concealment of the Creator is known as “darkness, “since it arouses in a person doubts and incorrect thoughts, which are felt by him as the darkness of the night.
Our true goal should not be to perceive the Creator and grasp His actions, since this, in itself, is a purely egoistic desire. A human being will not be able to withstand the enormous pleasure resulting from the attained perceptions and will return to the egoistic state.
The real objective should be the desire to receive from the Creator the strength to proceed against the yearnings of the body and the mind, that is, to attain faith that will be greater than the human intellect and bodily desires. Having grasped and perceived the Creator and His absolute benevolent dominion, as well as His power in the entire creation, we should choose not to see the Creator in all His glory, because this would undermine our faith.
Rather, we should proceed by virtue of our faith and against the desires of the body and human intellect. All that we can desire is the strength to believe in Him and in His dominion of the universe. The possession of such a belief is known as “light,” or “day,” since we can begin to receive pleasure without fear, being free from the desires of the body, and not being enslaved by our bodies and our reason.
When we achieve this new nature, that is, when we are capable of carrying out acts independent of our bodily desires, the Creator gives us pleasures from His Light. If darkness descends on us, and we do not feel any joy in the work of attaining the spiritual nor the ability to feel a special relation with the Creator and to feel fear and love for Him, then we have but one alternative: the crying of the soul.
We must pray to the Creator so that He should have pity on us and remove the black cloud that darkens all of our feelings and thoughts, concealing the Creator from our hearts and eyes. This is because the cry of the soul is the most powerful prayer.
When nothing can help, when we are convinced that all our efforts, knowledge, experience, physical acts and endeavors are inadequate to help us enter the Upper Spiritual Realm; when with our entire being we feel that we have exhausted all possibilities and all powers, only then do we realize that only the Creator can help; only then do we come to cry out to the Creator and pray to Him for personal redemption.
But before this time, no extraneous hardships will induce us to cry out to the Creator genuinely and from the bottom of our hearts. Only when we feel that all the options before us are already closed will the "gates of tears" open, so that we may enter the Higher World, the dwelling of the Creator.
Because of this, after we have tested all possibilities to attain spiritual ascent by ourselves, a state of absolute darkness will descend upon us. There is only one escape – only the Creator can help us. But still in the breaking of the egoistic "I," when we have not yet achieved the perception that there is a Force that guides and directs us, when we have not yet been cured by this truth and have not yet apprehended the state, our bodies will not yet allow us to call out to the Creator.
And because of this we are obligated to do everything in our strength we can, and not to wait for a miracle from Above. This is not because the Creator does not wish to take pity on us and is awaiting a “breaking point."
When we try out all our options, we gain experience, understanding and perception of our own nature. The feelings we have passed through are necessary because it is in them that we receive, and it is with them that we sense, the revelation of the light of the Creator and the Upper Intellect.