236. Mine Adversaries Taunt Me All the Day
“Because zeal for Thy house hath eaten me up; mine adversaries taunt me… all the day” (Psalms 69). The form of cursing and swearing appears in several manners:
During the work, when he performs an act of Mitzva, the body tells him: “What will you get out of it, what benefit?” Hence, even when he prevails and does it coercively, this Mitzva is still considered a burden and a load. This brings up a question: If he really is keeping the King’s commandment and serving the King, he should have been glad, as it is natural for one who is serving the King to be in gladness. But here it is to the contrary. It follows that here he feels a state of cursing and swearing, and this coercion proves that he does not believe that he is serving the King, and there is no greater cursing than that.
Or, he sees that he is not adhered to the Creator the whole day, as he does not feel a real thing, and it is impossible to be adhered to an empty thing. Hence, he shifts his mind from the Creator (whereas a real thing, where there is pleasure, is hard to forget. And if he wishes to shift his mind, he must make great efforts to take it out of his mind). This is, “mine adversaries taunt me… all the day.”
This thing applies in every person, but the difference is in the sensation. Yet, even if one does not feel it, it is because one has not the attention to notice the state as it truly is. It is similar to one who has a hole in his pocket, the money falls out, and he loses all the money. It makes no difference whether or not he knows that he has a hole. The only difference is that if he knows he has a hole, he can then fix it. But this makes no difference in the actual losing of the money. Hence, when he feels how the body, called “mine adversaries,” curses the Creator, he says, “Because zeal for Thy house hath eaten me up,” and he wishes to correct it.