Aspiring to the Truth
Q: Sometimes it happens that a certain situation makes me so angry that for days I am infuriated. I try to analyze the situation, seemingly objectively, and understand that it is my primitive egoism speaking and not the inspiration for the truth, for spirituality.
How can I learn to interpret those feelings? After all, in order for me to turn to the Creator and ask for His help in correction, I need to see that my egoism is completely at fault.
A: When we read the books of Kabbalah, we accumulate its wisdom only in theory. We believe that this way we accumulate knowledge and experience. After all, that is what usually happens in our lives when it comes to learning anything - there is the study; there are exercises, experiments and training.
However, none of these things exist in spirituality. If a person does not physically and emotionally experience a situation, no knowledge, preparation or exercise will help.
Even people who do not study Kabbalah and have never even heard about the purpose of creation, advance toward that purpose during their lives. But they advance slowly, over millennia, unaware of the process. During the study of Kabbalah, everything we feel as something from above is perceived in our senses, just as we feel the corporeal things.
The Upper Senses take the form of regular, corporeal sensations; sensed not only in the soul, but also in the entire body. So when examined from the outside, we might appear to be in a good or bad mood, nervous or calm.
If, before the Kabbalah, you could share your thoughts and feelings with others, today you must not speak of your internal situations with anyone, because they all stem from your personal spiritual journey. You can ask your rabbi about them, in special situations, when a certain state might cause problems, such as wanting to leave Kabbalah, break away from the group, or leave your spouse, etc.
Any situation that is sent to you lasts just long enough for you to recognize it as such. That length of time is not for you to decide. It passes and is replaced by another necessary situation, which is sent to you from Above. Even as I answer, everything is already changing within you…
The power, the rhythm, the speed of your motion toward spirituality depends on you, but you cannot measure it. I remember that I once told my rabbi, “I’m making such great efforts and nothing changes!”
At that time, I did not understand his answer - that within us are many quick changes, which for ordinary people who do not study Kabbalah would takes years, perhaps hundreds of years of ordinary life, to occur. So have a little patience and try to have more fun.