A New Kind of Reward and Punishment

Children should be treated in such a way that they understand the connection between punishment, reward, and the act itself.

They must understand that the punishment is not a punishment, but education. Similarly, positive feedback is not a reward, but a natural and correct result of the right action. Children must understand that whatever the case may be, the parents’ and the educators’ attitudes toward them are only for their best.

How should this be done?

The educator must create a situation where the child does not take the punishment as punishment, but as a kind of effect that will help him or her avoid a similar infraction in the future.

It is best to dedicate a special time during the week for discussing with the children everything that happened during the week.

For example: “Now you deserve this and that punishment. Would it be right to punish you this way? What do you think? Will such an attitude help you watch over yourself better next time, and avoid breaking the boundaries of behavior that we determined? Or do you think that a different kind of punishment is required? Let’s think together; after all, we are working on your ego together.

“At the moment,” you tell the child, “You are like an objective judge toward your ego. You and I are examining it from the side. What do you think we can do with this ‘pest’ inside of you?”

In this way, we educate and raise the level of the “human being” in the child. Otherwise, the child will misunderstand, become angry, and look for ways to escape punishment.

If we work correctly, the child will begin to see that we are treating him or her respectfully, as an adult—trying to find the best solution together to cope with the child’s ego.