The North American Kabbalah Congress "The Next Step"

Rav Laitman's Talk with Women

September 25, 2005

Our collective Kli is called Malchut—Nukvah, a woman. This is what the Creator created. Malchut is a woman, ego, desire to enjoy that draws everything to itself. This is what the Creator created. In this form, Malchut cannot become similar to the Creator. It needs an additional force inside of her, called "a man"—part of the Upper Light, the desire to bestow. This part of the desire to bestow comes from the light of Hochma. The light of Hochma, entering the will to receive, acts upon it transforming it into the Giver. This force is called "man" or Zeir Anpin (ZA).

Drawing Nr 1

They cannot exist without each other, but in essence, the entirety of life, corrections, reproduction, birth and progress are carried out through a woman, through this Kli. By the term “man's force,” the force of overcoming, we mean a screen, while by the term “woman’s force,” we mean the will to receive. Only by bonding both together is it possible to give birth to equivalence of form to the Creator.

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Why was Adam created first, and later, Hava? Because the Light creates the Kli, and the Light acts upon it and transforms it into the corrected Kli.

Later, when we study the worlds, we will learn that in the world of Atzilut there is GAR (the Upper, the Creator) and the lower (ZA and Malchut). The lights come to Malchut through ZA. Through this action she is corrected and reaches equivalence of form with the Creator. Everything that happens in the world of Atzilut between ZA and Malchut (together they are called ZON) happens between all men and women in our world.

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This is why, if you have complaints, they are turned to ZON of the world of Atzilut from where we receive all that we have. We learn that we, both men and women, have to become similar once again to ZON of the World of Atzilut by joining correctly.

What follows from this? After the Kli with a screen broke, the forces of that screen mixed with the desire in such a way as to divide into two parts—male and female. Our work is to unite them together correctly.

Drawing Nr 4

A man and a woman unite with each other correctly only under condition that they can reach adhesion with the Creator. It is written: "Husband and wife—Shechinah between them", revelation of the Creator, the spiritual Kli between them; meaning between the will to receive from woman and the power of the screen from man.

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In our world this does not correspond exactly to the connection between a man and a woman because we are not talking about the bodies; rather, we are talking about the souls. We want to adjust our relationships in this world the same way. However, we never really succeed, because we are always talking about the spiritual—about what happens with our souls, and not with our body. Never does such a connection occur between the bodies, because all bodies are egoistical. Nothing will help them as both men and women are egoists.

This is what can help us. In this collective Kli there are male and female parts, say, half and half. A man should identify with the male part of the collective Kli, while a woman, with the female part. To the extent that we aspire to this Kli, the integral force, equivalence to the Creator, is formed in us.

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In short, a woman who studies and does everything that she has to do to correct her soul, connects internally within her soul into the collective Kli as a woman. A man, who studies and does everything that he has to do for his correction, connects internally within his soul into this collective Kli from the male’s part. They begin to bond in this Kli alone, only there and not at the lower level. This level begins only from the spiritual, beyond the Machsom.

Hence we have to look at the souls, and not the bodies. The bodies of a woman and man do not need correction; each of them functions in the form in which it exists.

On the contrary, we have to clarify what a woman needs in order to correct her soul, and what a man needs to correct his soul. This is the source of our entire work—what it is that we have to do in order to reach the root, the purpose of creation. We are not looking for the ways to build a nice family in this world, to find a good spouse, be healthy, to have money and so on. This is not what we are talking about. Kabbalah talks about how to reach the Upper world, our eternal state, and it does not deal with our world at all.

People asked me here how to celebrate Shabbats and Holidays, about red strings, and holy water. We do not deal with these questions, and there is not a single Kabbalah book that writes about it. We are talking about correction of the souls that one has to accomplish, even without having the body. And it makes no difference where, meaning no matter in which country one resides, one’s nationality, or if it is a workday or a holiday. We are talking about the souls, and not about any kind of actions that we perform in our world with the bodies.

Simply know that we are talking exclusively about the soul and about what happens with it. It is absolutely deceitful to say that a person who lost his arm or leg and cannot perform some commandment allegedly has some soul defect. Genuine Kabbalah books do not even allude to that, and such things do not even cross minds of the Kabbalists.

Hence, here we are talking only about the souls. When I look at you, I look at your souls. I can say: "A woman is beautiful, but the soul is not good." (Laughter) One has no relation to the other. Is this clear? We are talking about the souls. Although it does not necessarily have to be this way, one can be beautiful both internally and externally.

Regardless, what is the difference between the work of a man and a woman? A man has to study more—study, study, and study many hours a day. I used to study at Rabash's three hours in the morning—from three to six, after that I used to have a lesson from seven to eight o'clock in the morning, afterwards—from nine to twelve—we went to park or the sea with him, and this was also a lesson. I talked with him all the time. Then we had one more lesson from five to eight in the evening. I studied with him during these hours, day after day, over approximately twelve years.

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What did Rabash recommend to women? In 1982 I brought forty young disciples to him from the Berg's Institute in Tel Aviv where I had given a lecture. They then left the Institute and came to us. When I brought them, they were young guys and so we had to arrange for them to marry. At that time, we did not consider finding a suitable wife who studies Kabbalah or who wants to study it. They simply married ordinary girls.

When the group consisted of forty men, and various problems occurred, I asked my Rav, Rabash, what to do with the women. He advised me to organize them into a women's group.

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We organized such a group and most of the articles that Rabash wrote, he wrote for women, while the men received them later. This was first. And secondly, Rabash started to talk about the work of a man and the work of a woman for the first time. Until then, Kabbalists did not talk about this at all.

As it turned out, the inner work of a woman is similar to her regular work in this world. What does a woman represent? This is a part that gives birth to the next generation. True, she does it with the help of a man, being supported by him, but she gives birth, the descendents come out of her. Hence the main work of women is not in studying (opposite to how I studied 12 hours a day over 12 years), but in circulation.

These are two completely different systems. Even if a woman studies for 15 hours a day, this will not help her. She has to study just a little bit in order to have energy to circulate, to carry out further correction the same way as she gives birth, reproduces, passes on the knowledge.

Hence, we are not talking about the same amount of hours. Women work during their free time. There is a law: a woman is excused from fulfilling the commandments related to a certain time. This means that she works only if she is free.

This is why only during the hours when each of you are free—this could be one or two hours a day, could be more or less—what you do during this free time is what is taken into consideration. At least one hour a day you should listen to my lesson, talk, as a rule. This is a lesson that I give from five to six in the morning.

The rest of the hours during the day, if you have them, have to be used only for circulation—translations, book distribution, work with films, texts, what have you. This is where the source of success lies—if you invest your efforts here. From there, a woman bears something into this world, and it is specifically through her that all this wisdom comes and spreads into the entire world.

Men are more closed, more passive in comparison to women. This is what happens in all the countries in accordance with women's nature. Hence, I recommend that each of you find an opportunity for yourself to take part in circulation. I do not tell this to men. I have almost nothing to tell them during our talks about what they have to do. They carry out part of the work in preparing various video materials, various media, but they can do very little in circulation—only technical things and not that which has to do with relationships with people and so on. A woman has to direct a man towards this as well.

I know that this is what happens in many groups. Women nurture some idea, prepare men, encourage them to come out and do something. Afterwards, a man comes out, and it is as though he is doing this. Correct? I know this well. (Laughter) This is how it is.

At the beginning we, at Bnei Baruch, started to organize the groups for work with texts and media exclusively using the men. We have audio, video, book departments, and translations into many languages. All the work is divided into many stages.

For example, for book publishing, we take texts, translate them into a number of languages, check them, edit, afterwards arrange them according to what book can come out of them. Then we do drawings, start working with typesetting, an outside editor, there is a multitude of activities.

At the beginning, men did all of this. The same was happening with films. After we film the lesson, the footage goes through a multitude of phases, and this is what happens in any area.

And then we saw that we are not capable of doing all of this without women. Now at Bnei Baruch, almost half of our workers are women who work a full workday for salary. A woman works at our center from the morning until the evening, receives a salary, and this is her job. In addition, we have a great number of women all over the world, without whom nothing would come to the light—neither books, nor movies, nor anything else. I know them very well, because they in essence, play the main role in this process—texts and all media go through them.

In our beginners group in Tel Aviv, called "Nekuda Shebalev" (Point in the Heart – Heb.) it is mostly women who work there. They welcome new people, talk to them, explain what Kabbalah is to them, advertise the place, and receive guests. A man comes only to give a lecture. He can hardly do this. Women do everything else. I'm serious: women do everything else; they support the entire organization.

We have an archive, in which we store information from over ten years. Only films—we have a few thousand of them there. In addition, we store lessons and that entire media in many languages. This is an immense warehouse of information, including all Kabbalistic books. Women supervise this entire archive.

All that you see on the Internet, all the material that we present to you—from the beginning to an end—is prepared and posted on the site, and organized by women. I am not just telling you that now, you can hear the same from all of our men: it is impossible to do anything in Kabbalah without a woman—without her participation, her outlook, without her skill to organize, support, put together, and prepare things. It is impossible without that. This is very simple! We saw this, although at the beginning we wanted to do everything with the help of the same group of students. We were not able to do it. And now, more and more women within Bnei Baruch enter our work.

Hence I have nothing to say. We do not have to say that with men it is one way, and with women—the other. We were born in this form; each of us originates from a different spiritual root. There are only two roots, that of a man and that of a woman. According to this, we have to correct. Correction means that you have to find your place in circulation.

I am open for all letters. Write me with all the questions and problems, about what opportunities you have, whoever feels ready, suitable for some position or work. Maybe someone has a possibility to place our books somewhere, advertise us or deliver a lecture. We will respond to all your letters. We simply depend on this. I’m expecting big support from your group. I need you.

If a woman invests her energy, then it does not matter how aware or not we are about her, the same things happen to her as to a man. To the measure to which I invest my efforts into a collective Kli and connect to it, to the measure to which I circulate in the world the knowledge about the reason for and purpose of creation, about the process of its development and its goal which we, willingly or not, must reach, to this measure I receive the help from above, from the Creator.

Ultimately, I circulate the name of the Creator in the world, and then it is not important whether someone knows about me or not, remembers me or not—to that measure I progress. There are no calculations here when the most important thing is that people would know about me and so on. No. A simple calculation is in effect here; I receive back as much as I put inside, only multiplied many times, from the same power, the same Creator, the same Upper Light. And no matter how much rush there is around me, it will not help. Work is examined by my entering into the collective soul.

Question: We speak a lot about bestowal and I was trying to determine what is the most valuable form of caring, or are there different values to different kinds of sharing?

The best form of giving is to care, in some way, that humankind finds out (in a simple manner, without any pressure) about the possibility to ascend above this life to the spiritual level, that there is a possibility to correct this life, free oneself from suffering, from daily problems, that this life is purposeful. In other words, to care that humankind hears about the entire method of the science of Kabbalah. It is most important to circulate this knowledge.

There are many people in the world who suffer. Depression is currently the most rapidly spreading disease in the world. Suicide, family crisis in which people cannot bear each other, terror, various explosions, and the steady increase in tranquilizer use, all are signs that people feel bad.

All of this, in essence, is the manifestation of the question that arises in a person (even though he may not fully realize it), “What is the purpose of my life?” We must bring people the explanation. There is nothing more than this. This is most important. And each person, depending upon their level of maturity, will understand our explanation and come closer to it.

Question: Why do some of the women’s groups have problems?

A woman wants to be the only one in the world—this is her nature. (Laughter) A woman is Nukva, will to receive, and this is natural. This is not bad; everything depends only on how to use it.

Question: It is not a question, it is a funny analogy. As a girl grew up, every time she asked her mother a question she was told to go to her father and ask him the question. Many years passed. The girl went to study in the western world. The girl now is fully grown, and ultimately, she had the courage to ask her mother: “Mother, you know, when I was growing up, I always had to go to you and you asked me to go to your father. What was your role in this family, if you had no opinion whatsoever?” And the mother says,” you know, your father is the head of the family. He is the head. But you know, let me tell you a secret. You know what makes the head turn? I make the neck turn and tell the neck which direction to go.”

Everyone agrees with you. (Laughter) There is no doubt that (and according to Kabbalah this is also so) a man follows a woman. This is undoubtedly so. We see this with animals in that a female chooses a male, and we are aware that this happens in our life as well. You can also ask biologists and physiologists about the way we function. In essence, a woman determines everything that happens with a man. This is clear.

Men are like children, since they do not have an opportunity to give birth, and thus they do not grow to the next degree in a direct, natural fashion. A man even in his 50s needs some “toys.” This is nature, and there is nothing you can do about it. A woman is more mature, more practical, and more serious. A man is like a child; most of the things that he does in the world are done in order to please a woman. This is his driving force, he wants a woman to look at him with admiration: ”What a man I have!” He is ready to do anything for that admiration. This is nature.

Here we will not discuss these simple things. I’m just saying that the mission of a woman, her nature, the basis upon which she stands is very important. A man cannot offset her. And if in our world all of this has gotten mixed up, it is completely wrong.

What is written about Abraham after he revealed the spiritual, the Upper World, the Creator? What did the Creator say to him? - “Listen to what Sarah tells you.” And this is the first Kabbalist… (Laughter)

Thus, we must understand that there should be the right combination between a man and a woman, and then they really attain the goal.

Question: I was wondering how I could briefly explain Kabbalah to family and friends who do not have any idea about it.

The Wisdom of Kabbalah or Kabbalah is the method for the attainment the Upper World by each individual. There are two worlds. In our world, I exist in the course of seventy years in the body, while in the Upper world I exist in the soul. Seemingly, these are separate conditions. I live for seventy years, then the body dies, and I proceed to living in some other dimension. This is also "I", only existing in something different.

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The Wisdom of Kabbalah helps us to live here and there at the same time. Regardless of whether I am in the body or not, I feel both of these worlds—the Upper world and the lower world. In essence, this is the Wisdom of Kabbalah. It does not talk either about faith, or about various rituals of this world, and is not related to religions or to anything.

I have a heart and a point in the heart. The heart is my material ego that belongs to this world. A point in the heart is part of my soul. In this world I have the small part of it. With the help of the Wisdom of Kabbalah I can increase this point to the size of the soul. What I feel in the expanding point is called the Upper world. What I perceive in five senses is called the lower world. That is all. This is what the Wisdom of Kabbalah does.

It is most important to understand that it has no relation to any bodily acts. It speaks about what can be done with a point in the heart with the help of the light. We can awaken this light only through love for the group. Exclusively so!

Question: I’m wondering if there is an efficient way to reach, to connect with the root of our part of the soul.

The most efficient and only way is what we are explaining. There is no other way. The root of our soul is the condition in which all souls are together, bonded with each other. Each soul is connected with the others as each cell; each bodily organ is connected with the rest and serves them.

In our world we exist in all possible states, in which each person is separated from the other. If you connect with all the others so that they become similar to your body, this is called returning to the root. But for this to occur we need the Upper light, the upper energy, to give us the strength to connect with the other, because next to this point, we have a big egoistical heart that really pulls us towards various pleasures—money, fame, knowledge, bodily pleasures and so on. Therefore, against this pull, we need the Upper force.

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Question: We also heard in the lecture that you wrote a book specifically for women… We are waiting for it.

There is a lot of material on the subject of women, and more is added all the time. Undoubtedly, this talk will also be there. But really I am not sure if there is a need for this.

Remind me in a letter, we will place this material on the site; we will create a separate section for women. Try to work on the material, on the women’s book, prepare it, and we will publish it in a few languages.

Question: How do you explain the phenomenon when men marry men, women marry women, are they listening to their soul or to their ego?

Same sex relations occur only as a result of a mix up in the bodies, and are not related to the souls. This problem does not involve the souls; this is the problem in the body. It is possible to cause such abnormalities in a man that he would wish to be like a woman and for a woman to wish to be like a man. It is possible to introduce these abnormalities at the genetic level, through various mutations, and it is also possible to do it through a habit, which becomes a second nature.

This has no relation to the soul. Hence such a mix up today, when a man marries a man and a woman marries a woman, resulted from the lack of correct functioning in our society. These deviations were known since the ancient times. Two or three thousand years ago all these problems existed as well, and were even part of the culture.

All of this has no relation whatsoever to the correction of the soul. This is why the Wisdom of Kabbalah prohibits such relations and says that it is necessary to try, using all possible means, to solve these problems. Even if such deviation occurs naturally, when a person is born with some taint, with an inner abnormality whereby he or she is attracted to his sex, it is still necessary to treat this.

However, this mix up happens on the material level. From the spiritual point of view, he stays with the same type of soul with which he was born, independent from what sex he is attracted to at the material level. For this reason there is no connection between one and the other.

We are talking about correction of the soul that is not related to the body and does not perform any acts there. A person can be old or young, have all sorts of qualities, be smart or foolish—this is not important. His soul operates beyond all these properties and its functioning does not depend on them. A person may not have a sharp mind, and still be a great Kabbalist, yet he also can be very successful, clever, but at the same time be an angry and rude person.

Question: My question is why were women given unconditional love and does this have any relation to the point in the heart or is that more on the ego side? I think women naturally have that unconditional love, that feeling towards the child, whereas men have to work on it.

We do not discuss anything at the material level. On the material level a person has to function the way he is required to, and pay no attention to what he is going through. Everything related with the body, leave to the body. Take care of your soul and you will see how good things will happen to the body. People want to connect one with the other, and it always results in confusion. Kabbalah completely separates one from the other. There is a point in the heart, and it has no relation to the heart, hormones, body, or our nature. This is part of the collective soul, and is exactly with what we are dealing.

The connection that people wish to create between body and soul give rise to all sorts of problems. In essence, this is the greatest confusion. “If a person is without arm—this is a sign that he has some defect in this soul” and so on—various similar nonsense. This is called idol worshiping, whereby people think that the soul dresses the body. Baal HaSulam writes about this in the article “Body and Soul.” There is an erroneous belief that if the body lacks some organ, then it is missing in the soul as well. But then it follows that if the body dies completely, then the soul is dead as well? Then what we are talking about?

Stop connecting one with the other in any way. The soul exists absolutely separately, and this is exactly what I’m taking care of, where I want to live and to ascend with it. Meanwhile, the body exists separately. It has to be washed, put into the bed to sleep, give it food. When it is alive, let it live. The body then finishes its life, very good, meanwhile, we continue living in the soul.

Stop identifying yourself with the body. A person must identify with the soul, with the eternal part, and then he will perceive eternity.

Question: Can a person born as a man be a woman in a previous or in the future life?

No. Each person is born and continues on his line. We should understand that from incarnation to incarnation there comes the same soul, only each time it comes in different periods of humankind’s development and in a different body, but always—from the same sex.

Question: How do you explain when Shechinah appears?

Shechinah is the light that fills the Kelim, bonded together. The general light, filling the collective light, is called Shechinah.

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Question: I have a question about realization of evil in women. I understand that men work with each other, have to bond with each other, with the friends…

Women do not need to bond with each other. There is no women’s group—in principal, it does not exist. A woman does not need to bond with other women. They can connect only out of common goals, common work—circulation or any other. A woman does not have the same obligations as a man does. Each woman corrects separately.

Woman is called “home.” She represents a complete structure, which does not need to be connected with other women. A man must bond with all other men in order to reach correction. A woman can, working by herself, reach correction as a perfect part of the Kli, which lacks only a force from outside to correct her in a right fashion.

What we do call “home”? The structure in which a woman sits is called “home.” Meanwhile, a man comes into that home and then leaves. Correct? (Laughter)

Drawing Nr 12

This cell, this Kli (a woman) is a complete structure. She needs nothing else but the power brought by a man. She just needs development. This is what she receives from the general men’s group.

Let’s say, a woman lives somewhere in Arizona, alone, without a husband or with a husband who has nothing to do with Kabbalah, she is not connected with other people—neither with men, nor with women, and she does not have a group. If she listens to some short lesson and connects with us through some work, then that which she can do here and there (we will always find some work for her) she is already connected to the collective Kli and this is enough for her.

It is much more difficult for a man. If he lives by himself somewhere in Arizona and even studies, connects with the rest via the same communication channels, still, for him this is not exactly the same as for a woman. He needs much more. He needs a group; in either case, he needs friends in order to receive strength and support, in order to be with them. It is the same as when men go together to a pub to have a glass of beer or go to play rugby or any sports together as one team.

Why by nature does a man feel the need to connect with other men? This is not accidental. It happens because man’s inner impulse is prompting him to this; he is built this way.

A woman does not need this; she does not want to be in the women's group. And you should listen to yourself inside—why is this so? According to the development of her soul, a woman does not need a group. She just needs participation in the collective Kli.

Question: How does the realization of evil (Akarat haRa) happen in women if she does not have to bond with the others?

I cannot explain this to you, but believe me, this happens—both recognition of evil and the progression through all the states. There are women who work with the texts daily, many hours for many years. They do not have a group, meetings, or studies with other women, they are connected with us only through the Internet, listen to the lessons and process them.

They understand me and know what I’m thinking. Each woman, working with texts, starts feeling me in this manner. And this is enough for them to progress. They do not need a group and everything else. Connection with us and with me in that they work with the text and carry out all the work is sufficient for them to progress.

Question: I want to ask how to raise my children, to give them the fastest path to understanding the spiritual.

A child that grows in the atmosphere of Kabbalah somehow always stays connected to the spiritual, because it receives an impression from something very sublime in life; everything else seems as cheaper or lower. He will relate differently to his entire life. By this, you yourself will give him confidence, connection with something Higher, and this gives them a good foundation.

Even without studying Kabbalah, a child would nevertheless know that there is the Upper World to which one can connect, reach, that there is life beyond death, and that one can attain this life during our life in this world. They would know that everything we have in this world descends to us from above intentionally, that everything comes from above and that we only have to correctly react to this; that all that happens with us is an invitation to respond correctly.

When a child receives such a general picture and grows up in it, the child becomes a completely different person. I taught my son Kabbalah when he was 8-10 years old, when I myself was studying with my Rav. This affects him to this day, although he lives in Canada and I in Israel.

I see the same with my students who have children. These children want to be connected with Kabbalah. We have children’s group for both boys and girls. We give them lessons, we have a small children’s theater, and they play different games. Perhaps you have some ideas for creating Kabbalistic games, both for children and for adults. This could be a good circulation method.

I think that for a child who reflects and observes the world in a natural manner (children accept what you tell them as the truth), it is much easier to live in this life. If something happens to him in this life, he will not concentrate on this as if it was the end of the world. This will give him more balance, peacefulness, correct attitude toward life. This is worth it.

Question: Forgive me for not quite understanding this yet. Are you saying that a woman does not need a man?

What do you mean, "a woman does not need a man?" A man needs a woman, and a woman needs a man. This is our body. Are you talking about the body, hormones, or about the soul?

Question (continues): I’m talking about relationship, ultimately, marriage. I’m a 51 year old woman with a small child, widowed. I’m seeking to be convinced that my life would be better if my son had a father, and I had a husband. I guess the two would go together. If I had to choose, I would say I would love for my son to have a father. And at this point in my studying Kabbalah I’m convinced that to have a Kabbalist as a father would be the best thing. Should I aspire to this? Or should I develop myself, spiritually, and let life go as it will?

Based on my life experience, children are brought up by the mother. The father has no energy, nerves; he has one thousand passions of his own. (Laughter) A mother raises children and gives them everything they need. In short, a woman is a woman; there is no replacement for her. One way or the other, raising children was always women’s responsibility. It is safer.

Question: I read somewhere that women come to this world by their own will. Did anybody ask them if they want to come to this world?.. (Laughter)

A man comes to this world out of need; a woman comes in joy. (Laughter) Tell me; is it possible to believe in this? If we knew beforehand what happens here, would anyone want to descend into this world at all?! No place is worse than this world. This is really so. Believe me, that all other states are much better than our condition in this world today. At least, let this appease you.

To summarize: we stay friends, love each other, make sure our connection is not lost, and write to each other. It is very desirable that there will be a separate organization in the States—a few women or even one woman, able to collect all the women’s questions and problems, to focus on them and pass them to us. Start discussing this, write to each other, each of you should have all the addresses. Create a database of women so that you know who can do something, help in something, how each of you can be assisted.

I hope that in half a year we will organize a Congress in America again, and when we will meet with you, we will have one big group, warmer and more understanding, really close to the spiritual. All depends on the connection between us. Thus, please, do not disconnect from us.

Believe me that everyone has all of the same problems that each of you goes through—descents, different thoughts—this exists in each of you. Hence, write me, and I will answer each question, show you where it is written in the book, explain to you how to continue and overcome any obstacle, how to use it, and why each of you receive a certain state (suddenly something good, or, G-d forbid, bad). All of this happens for a reason, and we have to learn from these states how to progress based on them. Then everything will be useful.