Article No. 17, Part 1, 1984<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Concerning the importance of the friends in the society and how to appreciate them, meaning with which kind of importance each one should regard his friend. Common sense dictates that if one regards one\u2019s friend as being at a lower degree than one\u2019s own, he will want to teach him how to behave more virtuously than the qualities he has. Hence, he cannot be his friend; he can take the friend as a student, but not as a friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And if one sees one\u2019s friend as being at a higher degree than his own, and sees that he can acquire good qualities from him, then he can be his Rav, but not his friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This means that precisely when one sees one\u2019s friend as being at an equal degree to one\u2019s own, one can accept the other as a friend and bond with him. This is so because \u201ca friend\u201d means that both parties are in the same state. This is what common sense dictates. In other words, they have the same views and thus decide to bond. Then, both of them act towards the goal that they both wish to achieve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is like two like-minded friends who are doing business together to achieve a profit. In that situation, they feel that they have equal powers. But should one of them feel that he is more competent than the other, he will not want to accept him as an equal partner. Instead, they would create a proportional partnership according to the strength and qualities that one has above the other. In that state, the partnership is a thirty-three or twenty-five percent partnership, and it cannot be said that they are equal in the business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But with love of friends, when friends bond to create unity among them, it explicitly means that they are equal. This is called \u201cunity.\u201d For example, if they do business together and say that the profits will not be distributed equally, is this called \u201cunity\u201d? Clearly, a business of love of friends should be when all the profits and possessions that the love of friends yields will be equally controlled by them. They should not hide or conceal from one another, but everything will be with love, friendship, truthfulness, and peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But in the essay, \u201cA Speech for the Completion of The Zohar,\u201d it is written, \u201cThe measure of the greatness comes under two conditions: 1) to always listen and receive the appreciation of society, to the extent of their greatness; 2) the environment should be great, as it is written, \u2018In the multitude of people is the king\u2019s glory.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To accept the first condition, each student must feel that he is the smallest among all the friends, and then he will be able to receive the appreciation of the greatness from everyone. This is so because the greater one cannot receive from the smaller one, much less be impressed by his words. Only the lower one is impressed by the appreciation of the greater one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And for the second condition, each student must extol each friend\u2019s merit as though he were the greatest in the generation. Then the environment will affect him as a great environment should, since quality is more important than quantity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It follows that in the matter of love of friends, they help each other, meaning it is enough for everyone to regard his friend as being of the same degree as his own. But because everyone should learn from his friends, there is the issue of Rav and disciple. For this reason, he should consider the friend as greater than himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But how can one consider one\u2019s friend as greater than himself when he sees that his own merits are greater than his friend\u2019s, that he is more talented and has better natural qualities? There are two ways to understand this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We can see that a person may see faults in his neighbor\u2019s children, but not in his own. And when someone mentions some faults in his children, he immediately resists his friend and begins to declare his children\u2019s merits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the question is, which is the truth? After all, there are merits to his children, and hence he is upset when others speak of his children. The thing is this, as I had heard it from my father: Indeed, each person has advantages and disadvantages. And both the neighbor and the father are saying the truth. But the neighbor does not treat the other\u2019s children like a father to his children, since he does not have the same love for the children as the father does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hence, when he considers the other\u2019s children, he sees only the children\u2019s faults, since this gives him more pleasure. This is because he can show that he is more virtuous than the other because his own children are better. For this reason, he sees only the other\u2019s faults. What he is seeing is true, but he sees only things he enjoys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the father, too, sees only the truth, except that he regards only the good things that his children have. He does not see his children\u2019s faults, since it gives him no pleasure. Hence, he is saying the truth about what he sees in his children. And because he regards only the things that can please him, he sees only the virtues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It turns out that if one has love of friends, the rule in love is that you want to see the friends\u2019 merits and not their faults. Hence, if one sees some fault in one\u2019s friend, it is not a sign that his friend is at fault, but that he is at fault, meaning that because his love of friends is flawed, he sees faults in his friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Therefore, now he should not see to his friend\u2019s correction. Rather, he himself needs correction. It follows from the above-said that he should not see to the correction of his friend\u2019s faults, which he sees in his friend, but he himself needs to correct the flaw he has created in the love of friends. And when he corrects himself, he will see only his friend\u2019s merits and not his faults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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