Feeling A Different Reality
Our matter is the will to receive and this matter does not change. The only question is how we use it. We can use it to take advantage of other people, to pull for ourselves everything that seems to us like it is outside of us, and then, as a result of this inner absorption, to see the limited world illustrated to our eyes. Or alternatively we can step out of ourselves, for the purpose of bestowing to what allegedly exists outside of us. I say "allegedly" because, in fact, there is nothing "outside of us." Whatever exists outside of us only seems to us like it does. Truthfully, these are our vessels. The breakage that occurred in our consciousness, in our understanding, caused us to feel that they exist outside of us.
This exercise, where it seems like outside of us exists the still, vegetative, animate and human, was purposely made for us to begin with, so that we will be able to attain the quality of bestowal. If instead of absorbing from them and taking advantage of them we will treat them in the opposite way - with love and giving - we will be able to attain the quality of bestowal, and feel a different reality, a true one.
Looking At The World Properly
With the help of the will to receive in me, I can feel that I want to bestow. If I overcome it, meaning my inclination to receive for myself, I will be able to bring myself to a higher desire to bestow. and so on.
My will to receive is the matter without which I cannot attain a feeling that I want to bestow. In other words, I need to realize that the form of the will to receive can only be one of two - either for itself or to bestow. And this already forms a new perception of reality inside of me, and a new attitude, and all of a sudden I discover that everything I have seen only appears to me as it does, only seems to me that way, but in fact the breakage occurred only inside my mind, inside my perception, and caused me to feel that there is a part called "me" and a part that is found outside of me.
I then begin to correct the breakage by connecting both parts of the vessels - my part and the part I think I want to take advantage of. I begin drawing them close to me, connecting them back into a single collective vessel. As Baal HaSulam says, here there is nothing more than a psychological problem.
We need to distinguish between these inclinations within ourselves - to study and not to bestow, to control and not to bestow... We need to try identify within ourselves all the tendencies that are opposite to bestowal and make the effort to scrutinize them as much as possible, so that inside of us we will clearly see all the qualities, all the characters of using, to receive, to control others etc.
Afterwards, when I discover that everything outside of me is my vessel, I realize my immense stupidity of taking advantage of them. Because who do I take advantage of? Who do I defeat? Who am I lying to? What am I doing? This is no different than playing with my little kid in order to benefit from him, lie to him, confuse him. Is that what a father does to his son? Of course not. But when we reach a revelation, we realize that this is exactly what we wanted to do every time with those whom we thought were outside of us.
Aiming Ourselves Correctly Toward The Goal
All of our labor is to reach a state where at every instant the most important thing for us would be being in bestowal, or attaining it. Despite all the events that we go through, we must make sure at every moment that the bestowal will be more important than our ordinary lives. We experience life, we participate in it, we do everything we need to do, but the quality of bestowal should be my top priority above all. And if a person is constantly making efforts to adhere to the inclination to bestow, to hold on to it, yearning that it will control him, that it will fill his mind and heart; if he is concerned about this only, in spite of the blurring, the disconnection and the confusion, it indicates that he is aimed at the goal.
In order to direct the person to the goal, he was given a number of means. Firstly, the group. If one feels that he has a tendency to connect with them in order to reach the goal, it is one of the measures indicating that he is aiming himself correctly. Another means is the study - a person must come to study and yearn that it will influence him, much like oxygen. He must feel that he needs this projection of the force of bestowal because it really gives him air to breathe. And the last means is dissemination - a person who is aimed at the goal feels the importance of bestowal and the need to receive support from other people, and for that he disseminates and bestows to them. Indeed eventually he bestows upon his own vessels. What is all of humanity if not his vessels? And now, look how we exist in hatred, in disrespect, in exploitation and in an attempt to destroy and kill our own vessels. Look how we are still reversed from the truth today.
However, if one begins to arrange all those things properly, eventually out of all his actions, his feelings, his discernments, an inner demand to hold himself above himself takes shape within him. He wants the quality of bestowal to direct him all the time, to control him, and that he will take care only of it, constantly. And then, after he goes through several incidents where he had the chance to hold himself up like that, he truly enters the quality of bestowal, and it begins to stabilize within.
Everything Depends On The Preparation!
Usually I am really sick before congresses, because it is a very great effort for me. Whether I want it or not, I am in a very strenuous internal preparation. To be honest, I don't understand why you are not sick. And you should truly ask yourselves - I stand before such a great occasion, where is my fear that I will actually use this occasion? Where is my internal preparation, that I will come and catch everything that there is?
Everything depends on the preparation. Therefore, other than external preparation we must prepare ourselves internally. That is the main thing. The fact that the impression we attained at each congress vanishes only indicates that we are rising to another level. It is always like that, until a person enters spirituality. It always seems to him that everything really leaves him and disappears, like water pouring on the sand. But in fact, "one penny and another add up to a great account," and this account eventually skyrockets.
This resembles an example given by Baal HaSulam about a man who enters a treasure with a small mug, and every time he leaves someone empties the mug, until he no longer knows what to do. But later on they tell him - "Everything we emptied out is yours."
Therefore, although allegedly after every congress there is descent and disappointment, it needs to happen that way, on one hand. And on the other hand, we must understand that it was a positive result. But everything depends on the preparation. And you have more time to prepare. I have been in those preparations for a long time and I recommend this to everyone. This is because the vessel in which we will receive spirituality is the connection between us. And the congress is precisely the occasion out of which we can draw impression and integration. This is all from within. I don't look at the faces. I am not even familiar with the names. Instead I see the inner desire. Therefore the yearning to live it, to connect to it, must be absolutely sickly.