Where To Look For The Reward For Bestowal
Question: How can I keep being motivated "for the sake of bestowal" if I don't see any results from my actions? Should I just blindly believe that the text I study is influencing me this way?
Dr. Laitman's Answer: There is a two-fold problem here. On the one hand, I have to ask for bestowal even though I'm not really interested in it. On the other hand, if suddenly by some miracle I do want to bestow, then I am still expecting the result of this action inside my Kelim of reception. But the reward for bestowal cannot come into those Kelim.
It is simply impossible. If I bestow, then I feel the result inside the Kelim of bestowal. If I bestow expecting the result to come inside the Kelim of reception, then I remain twice as empty.
Therefore, when a person does not see the result of his good, correct actions, which he might really be doing, it is natural because he is looking for the result in the wrong place. He is checking his wallet to see, "Where is my reward for bestowal? Where is the money, honor, power, health, or at least something?" But there are no results in these Kelim. On the contrary, they are twice as empty.
You exerted so much effort, but you have nothing. It would be OK if you never made the effort. A person who doesn't work doesn't receive anything (even though he is ready to receive without working). In that case you cannot complain. But if I bestow and do not receive anything, it is twice as bad.
So what should you do? In order to feel a reaction to and the benefit of acts of bestowal, you must reveal the Kelim of bestowal. You must correctly understand what the result of bestowal should be.
It is written: "The reward for a commandment is a commandment" and "The reward for a commandment is knowledge of the One who Gives the commandment." This means that I reveal the quality of bestowal that suddenly begins to surface in me, the Upper Force that governs everything. I suddenly start to have a connection with it. I may also feel that I have an aspiration to continue acting in this direction. This is the reward.
We have to look for it. Our only problem is that we are looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place.
-from the 2nd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 7/14/10